Who's your Daddy? - The Beginning.....

**WARNING!! ** This is an adult Blog with real life shit. I won't apologize for the language or the jokes. If I didnt have a sense of humor about this, I'd probably go insane. If you get offended easily, This might not be the blog for you....you've been warned!****

Holy Shit people!

I'm literally shook to the core. This story is SO crazy that my wife forced me write it down and document it. I've never written anything in my life. However, If this isn't the best story you've heard this year, I'll wash your car. (I'm lying.. I won't).

Let me take you to the beginning.... (A quick introduction)

The handsome guy down there is me (not the bulldog). I'm Mark. I'm 41 years old. I was born in Landstuhl, Germany to a single mother. I live in Bentonville, Arkansas.

I've been married for nearly 20 years. My wife is amazing and I don't deserve her. I have 3 kids, 4 dogs, and a cat. I'm a grandpa for goodness sake!

Enough of the boring stuff.... let's get this party started!

Unfortunately, I never knew my dad. I don't mean hypothetically as in "He wasn't around much" or "worked too much".. I mean as in he "didn't exist". "Notta". "Zilch".

I never knew his name, his eye color, or height.

My mom was young when she had me. And you know.... TONS of teenagers have their shit together enough to make long lasting, rewarding life decisions... NOT!

Obviously over the years, I've asked my mom questions as I've tried to probe any information about who this mystery man might be. But she was always really weird about it and would never give me anything to go off of.

My wife and I always joke because we kind of thought maybe it was something she didn't want to tell me like: "I was a stolen from the hospital" or I was some uncle-daddy creation that nobody could see coming.

Come to find out later - I think she was just embarrassed to have to tell me the story and the decisions she made when she was younger. That's gotta be a tough one to try and explain. I get it....

For those of you that are asking.. "How does she not know who the father is?"... My mom lived a really tough life and her parents weren't the best. She's been through a lot. She was young and unsupervised and young. Her parents were in the military.. and better yet, they were stationed in another country.

Germany.

She was a teenager and completely unsupervised!

**Side Note** I can't trust my teenager with a potato gun and sure as hell wouldn't leave him in another country.. but here we are!

To be honest -

I never really thought it about it much. I had a tough childhood. We grew up poor. We lived at the Woman's Shelter for Abused Woman for a bit and also lived at the Salvation Army in Fayetteville. My stepdad was super abusive and so my mom had a hard life. When she left him - we didnt' have anywhere to go. I was 10.

Also, I gotta give my mom props. My life is great right now. I am super blessed. It's tough to talk about the past, but it's part of what makes me who I am today.

My mom always did her best and I would never fault her for that. She was tough.... but I was always loved and never did without. I give her full credit for that. She did a hell of a job.

Also, I always felt like this was one more thing that she really didn't need to beat herself up for.

Regardless, whomever my father is does not change who I am or what I've done in life. I have an amazing family!

But still in the back of my mind.. not even knowing the man's name?.. kind of made me wonder?

---

June 20th 2021:

For Father's Day 2021. My wife decided to surprise me with one one of those Ancestry.Com DNA kits that you can send through the mail. When I say that she "surprised" me, I really just mean that she bought that shit and surprised me with it at home. Practically forced me to take it. She's mean people and she has old lady strength that I don't fuck with.

I've been telling myself for years that there was NOOO way to find out who my dad was.. Plus - nobody wants to take those DNA tests. One more way Uncle Sam can track me.

Secretly, I'm afraid someone in my family killed somebody years ago and it's gonna be MY DNA that traces them to one of my uncles or cousins.

You can't put that kind of evil on me Ricky Bobby. It's too much pressure.

Plus family reunions will be weird as hell knowing you have an uncle out there fabricating SHIVs out of toothbrushes to survive just because Mark Sevier has some daddy issues and needed closure.

However, the damn kit costs like $150!!! and she already bought it.

Sooooo, I figured screw it, Good luck family - hope you don't go to prison!.....

I opened up the kit and it's pretty simple. Just 2 steps. Spit in a small container and then add blue liquid. Easy.

What they don't tell you is that this container that doesn't look that big, but it's actually the size of a Costco 55 Gallon drum. I had 11 Oompa-Loompa's help carry it outside... and now I'm dehydrated. We're sending it off and we'll know what it says in 6 weeks! STAY TUNED!